Tonight as I am home alone, washing the dishes and with the usual fear of the creeping shadows outside being a potential intruder or the sounds possibly being more than just what they appear I had an epiphany, you could say. Or even a Freudian moment.
For a long while, as long as I can pretty much remember, I have been afraid of the dark and being home alone while it is dark. Again, every moving shadow and unusual sound raising alarm. Now, I believe I know the source of that fear. Every time someone asked me "why?" I had such fears I would respond that "it is just the way it is. I'm just afraid of the dark." Honestly, having no real answer to give them.
Those closest to me would know that my life has not been a walk in the park, just as most lives aren't. Although some specifics only told to less than a handful, there have been incidents which occurred. At the time and even awhile after, I was never able to realize the truth. Sometimes pushing specific memories away and sometimes believing that certain events didn't impact me, my fears now provides clarity that they have occurred and do impact me. For example, I am more cautious if something even seems the bit out of sorts.
I feel that now that I have realized all that has been my life, I can really continue moving on. It has honestly been one of the hardest things to do. Sometimes feeling as if I would never be able to get better. Especially when triggers or reminders appear.
I know it will not be easy but I am comfortable in my life at this point to say that I have support. Support from multiple angles which will definitely help. Thank you for the individuals who light up my life.
For a long while, as long as I can pretty much remember, I have been afraid of the dark and being home alone while it is dark. Again, every moving shadow and unusual sound raising alarm. Now, I believe I know the source of that fear. Every time someone asked me "why?" I had such fears I would respond that "it is just the way it is. I'm just afraid of the dark." Honestly, having no real answer to give them.
Those closest to me would know that my life has not been a walk in the park, just as most lives aren't. Although some specifics only told to less than a handful, there have been incidents which occurred. At the time and even awhile after, I was never able to realize the truth. Sometimes pushing specific memories away and sometimes believing that certain events didn't impact me, my fears now provides clarity that they have occurred and do impact me. For example, I am more cautious if something even seems the bit out of sorts.
I feel that now that I have realized all that has been my life, I can really continue moving on. It has honestly been one of the hardest things to do. Sometimes feeling as if I would never be able to get better. Especially when triggers or reminders appear.
I know it will not be easy but I am comfortable in my life at this point to say that I have support. Support from multiple angles which will definitely help. Thank you for the individuals who light up my life.
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